


When You Were Mine

by MagentasNightmare



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Coming back to the one you love, DON'T LIKE - DON'T READ (I'm not changing what I write for anyone:), Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier Smut, Depression, F/M, Lost Love, Mistakes, Misunderstandings, Regret, Sad Story, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5885620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagentasNightmare/pseuds/MagentasNightmare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl sees Carol from a bus and it takes him back in his mind to college when he lost her....<br/>Can't say much more I hate writing summaries. lol<br/>This is not a high smut story. There is some sex but not like most of my work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Title: **When You Were Mine**  
Category: TV Shows » Walking Dead  
Author: Magenta's Nightmare  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M  
Genre: Angst/Romance  
Published: 02-02-16, Updated: 02-02-16  
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,974

* * *

**^Chapter 1:**

* * *

**_OK. Each chapter of this story begins with a piece of dialogue with no attribution (he said, she said) from the past. These pieces of dialogue shed light on something within the story, and sometimes it's something we are already aware of, and sometimes it isn't. This is a new way of doing things for me but I wanted to keep this story to the point and emotional without adding any unnecessary filler, so I hope this method accomplishes that without being confusing. If the dialogue doesn't make sense when you read it, it soon will:) I hope you enjoy this half as much as I enjoyed writing it:) Teagan. XOXO_ **

**_When you were mine..._ **

_"I just don't understand this. Taking a year off school is a big decision."_

_"I've thought about this; my dad needs me."_

_"Does he really want you to do this?"_

_"No. It's my choice."_

_"Daryl, you have so much potential. Why would you throw that away? And what about the plans we made?"_

_"This doesn't change any of that; it's only a year."_

_"I still think it's a bad idea."_

_"Why don't we just talk about it tomorrow? We're supposed to be going to that end of year thing at the hall."_

_"I really don't feel like celebrating when I know you won't be with me next year."_

_"Let's not fight about this, Carol. Just come with me."_

_"I'm not in the mood now. Maybe I'll meet you there later."_

_"I don't wanna go without you."_

_"You have to. You promised Rick you'd help with that raffle. I'll just see you tomorrow."_

_"You should come later though, OK?"_

_"Maybe."_

_"I love you...we'll work this out. OK?"_

_"I know. I love you too. Be careful tonight."_

_"I will. See ya, babe."_

_"See ya."_

_**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**_

_**Chapter One** _

"Do you need a ride?" Rick asked, downing some cold water and grabbing his coat.

"No, I work evenings today," Daryl answered.

They left the gym and headed down the road toward Rick's car.

"I'll see ya," Daryl nodded, continuing on to his apartment.

Rick was a good friend, probably his only close friend these days. He found out fast who his real friends were in the last two years. Depression had a way of making him isolate himself and the small group of friends he did have took it personally, gradually disappearing. Rick was the only one he told about what he was going through. He didn't like to admit it to anyone, even himself.

He had it managed now, for the most part, but everyone was still gone. He saw a therapist occasionally and was taking meds; it was under control at the moment.

When his dad died, it hit him harder than he expected but he suspected now that it had probably been lingering under the surface for years.

Daryl dropped out of college ten years ago to help his dad at the used car lot but never went back. His dad had rheumatoid arthritis and was struggling to keep the family business running. The plan was to help him keep it going one more year while he tried to sell.

He'd had so many plans at that age. Finish school, become a draftsman, marry Carol and live happily ever after.

Everything went as wrong as it could go and none of it happened. By this point he didn't wonder how he'd ended up depressed, he wondered how it could ever have been avoided.

He got to his place and grabbed the keys out of his gym bag. He lived on the 7th floor of a very old building, but it suited him. The ground level of the building housed a music store that sold old records, cassettes tapes, music magazines and concert T-shirts. It was a cool place, and he had a pretty good collection of old cassettes going on. He loved the nostalgia of it. Ricks favorite pastime these days was teasing him about playing cassette tapes, he even had a Walkman. The teasing was pretty relentless.

He finally got to his floor and immediately took a shower. He and Rick worked out every day; routine helped with his mental state, and it guaranteed he'd get out of the house. He wanted more now that he was feeling better but didn't really know where to start. He was bartending currently, and it was about the worst place to meet someone. He had a bad habit of being too honest with women, right on the first date. Not that he had many dates lately. It was already August, and he hadn't gone out with a woman all year.

The last woman he took out asked him about himself, and when he mentioned his depression, she actually went to the bathroom and didn't return. Daryl thought that kind of thing only happened in the movies, but apparently, people really were that cold.

He spent the early afternoon playing music, cooking lunch and getting ready for work. He took the bus since there was no point owning a car in the city, parking was a pain in the ass.

He threw on jeans and a black T-shirt; it was like a uniform these days. He didn't really expect anyone to look at him and kinda preferred when they didn't.

Rick said he'd stop by later on for a drink and it would help pass the time. Tuesday nights were slow, and it made the shift drag on painfully slow.

He grabbed his coat, keys, and music to go catch the bus.

When he got to the bus stop, he sat on the bench and changed the song to one that was a little more upbeat. He used headphones to avoid conversation, but a woman still asked him the time as she waited for the same bus.

"Huh?" he asked when he noticed her addressing him.

"Do you have the time?"

"Oh, it's 2:30."

"Thanks."

He tried to think of something else to say to her because she smiled at him. Just as he was about to ask her about the band on her T-shirt, her boyfriend showed up, and they started kissing like he wasn't even there. Everyone seemed to have somebody, but none of the women he met seemed to be the right one for him anyway. He went back to his music and sighed. The bus turned up, and he sat at the very back, far away from the happy couple.

He stared out the window and noticed the traffic was heavy for a Tuesday. He wondered what was going on that day to account for it. The sky was bright, and he watched as people moved down the sidewalk like ants. They all looked like they were headed somewhere important.

The bus had basically come to a stop, and then he saw her, at least he thought he did. He sat up straight, moving his face closer to the window to make sure he wasn't seeing things. She was standing on the curb, buying a newspaper. She handed the man a bill and waited for her change, folded the paper and tucked it under her arm.

She took the change and smiled. There she was, the girl he remembered. The bus started to move, and he reached up and yanked the string for the bell.

"Stop," he hollered to the driver before he had any idea why.

"Just a sec, pal!" the driver yelled back.

"Please!" he said louder.

The bus came to the next stop anyway, and he got off the second the doors allowed it. She was wearing a blue sleeveless shirt and a black skirt. He scanned the crowd, trying to find her. His heart was racing, and his body was prickling with nervous tension. There was no plan when he found her he just had to see her again.

When his eyes spotted her, she was walking up the steps to the library across the street. She didn't go to the main entrance though. She pulled a swipe card from her pocket and disappeared from his sight through a side employee door instead.

The world was still, and he couldn't hear a thing. Standing stock still on the pavement, he was suddenly back in college and completely lost again.

The old familiar ache returned, and he tried to shake it off as he caught the next bus to work, but Carol had been everything.

He finally got to the bar late but his boss was reasonable, and he was never late, so it wasn't a big deal. He cleaned and organized to pass the time. He felt dazed and heartbroken all over again and knew the chance sighting would change him for some time to come.

There were only the regulars in the bar, and there would be no rush, that much he knew. The hours passed slowly, and he found himself looking her up on his phone. He assumed she had moved away ages ago. She always said she wanted to travel, but here she was in Atlanta all along. He didn't know what to do or not do, and the internet wasn't uncovering very much. He discovered that she worked at the library, but he had already assumed that much by her entering with a swipe card through an employee entrance. He had always wanted to look her up but never figured it would be helpful. He was afraid of finding her married and out of the realm of possibility. In the back of his mind was a constant fantasy of getting her back and reality would ruin that. There were times when that dream was all he had.

The way things ended didn't leave him with much hope of a friendly reunion, but maybe he was supposed to see her today. It was a silly, wishful thought. It had been pure chance, but he's always been a little romantic about things like fate. What they had back in college made him believe all kinds of miracles were possible.

He'd been so different when they were together. Back then he had a head full of dreams, a heart full of joy and her in his arms. He had it all until the day it all went wrong.

Rick walked in at 8pm and interrupted his cycling thoughts.

"Hey," Daryl said, pulling him a pint of draft beer.

"Hey, man. Sure is dead in here," Rick said, looking around.

"Gets deader all the time."

He wondered if bringing her up was a good idea and knew it probably wasn't. Rick had heard this story so many times since college and probably didn't want to imagine a second act but he had to tell someone, and he had nobody else to tell.

"I saw Carol today."

Rick looked confused for only a moment before it dawned on him.

"Carol Horvath?"

"Yeah, just on the street. She works at the library downtown."

"Did you speak to her?" Rick asked, already looking concerned.

"No, I just saw her from the bus. I had to get off and just look at her. I haven't seen her since..."

"Don't do this to yourself, Daryl. You're doing so much better now."

"I know."

Rick was right, torturing himself over her had done him no good.

"I just never thought I'd see her again, I had to see her," he explained.

"Well, you saw her now so leave it alone."

Daryl didn't answer, he just nodded and wiped a rag across the bar.


	2. Chapter 2

" _ **Why didn't you go along to the party?"**_

" _ **I don't know, Michonne. I'm just frustrated with him lately. He seems unsure about school, and it makes me wonder what else he's unsure about."**_

" _ **That's ridiculous. He's crazy about you, Carol."**_

" _ **I guess you're right. We just had all these plans and him taking a year off changes everything, and just to sell a used car lot? I don't get it."**_

" _ **Just keep trying to talk to him. You guys will figure this out. I've never seen you disagree in two years."**_

" _ **I sure hope so."**_

_**^Chapter Two** _

Daryl went about his day but kept looking for signs of her on the computer. He briefly wondered if he was insane to keep thinking of his college girlfriend and then he'd remember the way they were together, and it didn't seem so crazy.

They had two years of heaven, and he never wanted anything since then the way he wanted her. He and Carol had a connection with each other that even strangers could sense. They were on the same page since day one, and it had been magic right from the first date.

He asked her out the first time with a post-it note placed in her textbook like a coward. To his dismay, she found him on the way to class the next day and said yes.

He ended up taking her to a place on campus for a drink. He decided right then that he loved her. She told him he was cute and she wanted to see him again, and he could have jumped for joy. She said the sticky note was adorable and that she loved letters. Over the next two years, he must have written her a million of them. She probably tore them up years ago, but he poured his heart into each and every one. She was smart and hilarious and right from that moment they were inseparable.

So here he was at home, absentmindedly looking for her all over social media but she had nothing he could find. She had always been private. He did come across her old best friend Michonne; maybe they still knew each other. He friended her on Facebook and called it a night on his stalking.

Rick would kill him if he could see this nonsense, but nobody could understand what they had but him.

It would mean everything if only he could talk to her and tell her the truth about what happened. The problem was that he had nothing but his word. It was bad enough that he'd lost her, but she probably hated him too, and he had no way to prove she'd gotten it wrong.

######################################

The next morning he was getting ready to meet Rick at the gym, and he checked his phone before walking out the door. Michonne was now his friend on Facebook. She had been his real friend, years ago through Carol, but that was before everything went wrong. He was surprised she accepted, even if it was just the internet.

He was just getting to the ground level of his building when Michonne sent him a message; he couldn't have been more shocked.

_**~ Wow, it's been a million years! How are you these days?** _

The gym could wait a minute. He sat on the step and tossed his bag on the floor. He had to get right back to her.

_**~ I'm OK, I guess. I sure hope you're doing well:)** _

_**~ Yeah, not bad. It says here you're still in Atlanta, me too.** _

What he did next was bold and not like him, but he threw out an invitation for a drink on the off chance she knew something about Carol. Even if she didn't, he'd love a chance to see her again. They had spent a lot of time together in two years he was with Carol and always had a great time. Michonne was tough, smart and outspoken. He admired that about her. You never had to wonder where you stood with her.

_**~ Any chance you want to meet up for a drink to say hi in person?** _

Daryl picked up his bag when she didn't answer within a minute or so and continued on to the gym. It was likely pushing it to expect a college friend to meet him but it was worth a shot.

"Hey, you're late," Rick said, standing outside the gym.

"Yeah, sorry. Let's go."

Daryl got on the treadmill and turned on his music. He had to outrun his thoughts.

"You look like a lunatic with that thing," Rick groaned, pointing at the Walkman he was shoving in the pocket of his track pants.

"I ain't here to look cool," he said, brushing it off.

"Don't blame me when you're still single next year."

"Yeah, whatever."

He ran till he was completely covered in beads of sweat and then kept going. The endorphins and adrenaline were incredible. 45 minutes later as he slowed it up for a cool down, he felt amazing. It was such a natural high and it helped him stay stable.

His apartment was only down the block, so he always chose to shower there instead. The cooler air when he walked out felt good and bracing.

"So, are you over this Carol thing?" Rick asked. He was always checking in with him, and Daryl knew he meant well.

"No, but don't worry about it."

"Why don't you let me set you up with someone? It's been ages, hasn't it? Not every woman is a cow who walks out on a date, you know?"

"I know. I'm just not into it right now."

"Lemme know when you change your mind. Lori has this really nice friend Lisa at work who's been single a while too."

"Yeah, thanks. I'll let you know. See ya later."

"See ya."

He walked onto the street and checked his phone.

_**~ Sorry for disappearing, I had a client walk in. A drink sounds nice. When?** _

It was Michonne; he couldn't believe it. Now he couldn't wait to catch up with her. She was one of the prettiest girls he'd ever met, and he bet she looked even better now. She was one of those women you could tell would get better looking as the years passed.

_**~ tonight too soon?** _

_**~ no, meet me at Tony's at 9?** _

_**~ yeah, great!** _

Daryl got home and jumped in the shower. It was hard to get his head around seeing her again; he couldn't wait. Michonne had always supported him and Carol; they hung out as a group almost constantly for two years straight. He had missed her; he missed so much about the past.

#######################################

Daryl arrived early to have a drink before she turned up to get a feel for the place. Tony's was a little swankier than his usual choice of bar. It was definitely nicer than the run down Irish pub he worked in. They were playing modern music he didn't recognize, and the lights were low. When Michonne arrived, she looked just as beautiful as always. Both she and Carol looked amazing still.

The short glimpse of Carol on the street was burned in his mind already. He wanted to see her again, maybe that had more to do with this than he wanted to admit.

"Daryl!" she squealed.

"Wow! You look so good, Michonne."

"Awww! Thanks. You too, you've been in the gym I see."

She came right up close and hugged him tightly. He didn't remember her being so physical, but hugs were always nice, he didn't get many. The hug lingered a while, and eventually, she sat down across the table from him.

"It's so good to see you. When you left school I never really got a chance to say goodbye properly, and we were all so close," she said.

"Yeah, it went downhill fast there. I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of people."

Michonne gave him a knowing look; she knew exactly what he was talking about. She seemed eager to get off the subject and asked him if he still spoke to anyone else from college.

"The only one is Rick; we're still best friends. Let me get you a drink," he offered.

"House red, please," she answered. "Wow! Rick? I can't believe it, does he still look the same?"

"Pretty much."

They talked for a while longer about what they were up to now and a little more about the past. Michonne was a lawyer; she was single and perfectly happy that way. They carefully avoided the subject of Carol until he could resist anymore and came out and asked her.

"Do you still talk to her?"

He knew he didn't have to specify who he meant.

"Yes. We're still very close."

"How is she?"

"She's good, Daryl."

She wasn't giving him anything else, so he didn't know how to proceed.

"I know it doesn't make any difference now...but it wasn't the way it seemed."

"Daryl, she's engaged now so..."

"Oh! Well...that's great!"

He sounded so enthusiastic that she knew it was bullshit.

"If it means anything, I believe you. I saw the way you were with her, and I have to say it never made sense to me."

He nodded and felt good that at least she believed him. He wondered if she ever shared that belief with Carol.

"She probably still hates me, right?"

"I don't think she could hate you if she tried, she was just devastated."

That hurt. He still hated that she'd been hurt even if he wasn't guilty of what she thought.

"I wish I could make it right, but there was nothing I could do. Alice lied about it and then Carol wouldn't even speak to me," he said, forcing an obviously fake smile.

"It's a shame. You two were made for each other; everyone knew that."

Michonne said they should go out again sometime and he agreed. It felt like the old days with her, the days when he was a happier person. He couldn't help wanting more of that feeling, and if he was being honest, he needed to know more about Carol. He was pouring salt on the wound, but he couldn't resist it.


	3. Chapter 3

" _ **Where are you headed?"**_

" _ **I can't get a hold of Daryl. He was at that party last night. Have you seen him?"**_

" _ **Nope, I left with Lori pretty early. He was drinking pretty good though.**_ _ **I bet he crashed at the hall; the advisors probably told him to stay in their dorm. Good luck finding him."**_

" _ **Thanks**_ _ **, Rick. See ya."**_

_**^Chapter Three** _

" _Hey, it's alright."_

" _No, it's really not."_

" _I'm telling you it's fine. Just relax, OK?"_

" _I want it to be perfect."_

" _Daryl, it's already perfect."_

Her hands touched his face, and she took it slow, kissing him and pulling him back to her.

They were in her dorm room. It was the first time for both of them. He was terrified of it being bad, hurting her, losing her, making her laugh. He really didn't think she'd laugh but his fear in the moment told him anything was possible. She had been so patient and sweet with him. It took him a while to get all his emotions under control, but when it finally happened, it was so good. She looked up into his eyes with only the hint of a wince and then she insisted everything was fine and that he could move.

He pushed all the hair off her forehead and kissed it, moving slow and controlled. He kissed her face and then her neck as he found a lazy rhythm she seemed to like. It's not that he had any experience in the matter, but he just knew it was no time to go crazy with it. He could still, to this day, feel her breath on his skin and hear himself whispering I love you into her ear.

It was so calm and slow; it wasn't like he imagined it being at all. That first time he looked into her eyes almost the whole time. She moaned softly and kissed him so gently. It was surreal and beautiful, and nothing measured up to it, he knew nothing ever would.

It was as vivid as ever. This dream had happened more than once.

He woke up and groaned, wondering when it would stop. At least a few times a year the dream would come and he'd be back in that little twin bed making love to her for the first time, only to wake up alone.

He was starting to think his own mind was against him and wanted him to be depressed.

She was taken now, and someone else was making love to her. He knew it was over, and he would be smart to leave it alone, but it felt so wrong. They had named their future children and picked the neighborhood they'd live in. Their future was set, and they loved each other madly, but that was years ago. He still loved her; he always would. He wondered who it was that had her love now.

###############################

"You did what?" Carol asked.

"It was just a drink. I wanted to see how he was doing," Michonne answered, casually.

Carol sighed and rested her cheek in her hand. Her heart was racing, and she wanted to know every single thing that happened.

"Well?" she pressed.

"Well, what?" Michonne asked with her eyebrows raised.

"How is he?"

"He looks great, still very handsome. He asked about you."

"Really? What did you tell him?"

"I told him you were good. He started to bring up what happened, and he told me it wasn't what it seemed."

"Did you tell him I'm engaged?"

"Yes."

"Oh," she said, softly, "good...good. What did he say?"

"He said it's great, but I didn't believe a word of it. Did you ever consider maybe he didn't do it?"

"Not until it was too late. I still don't know what happened for sure, but it was ten years ago so..."

"He's working at O'Hanlon's now. Just FYI," Michonne said.

"Michonne. I'm with Shane now; I can't do this."

"I know, I know but I always loved Daryl. You two were so happy back then."

Carol didn't know what to say. Of course, Michonne was right, but it was long since over, and she had new priorities and a new life.

"It was a long time ago," she answered, plainly.

"I should warn you he might be coming to my house warming party."

"Michonne! What are you trying to do to me?" Carol groaned.

"I'm sorry but we hit it off just like back in college, and he doesn't have a lot of friends right now. He went through some depression in the last few years and lost his social group a bit. He's still friends with Rick though."

Carol suddenly wanted to call him; she wanted to hear his voice to know he was OK. She hated the idea that he had been depressed and alone.

"Would it make things worse if I called him?" she asked.

"I think he'd love to hear from you, but it could be treading on thin ice for you two," Michonne said, honestly.

"You're probably right."

#####################################

Daryl found himself at work the next night still dumbfounded that he had sat across a table from Michonne again. She was just as sweet and fun as she ever was, he missed friends like her.

He was supposed to be going to Michonne's housewarming party in a few days but when he imagined being in the same room as Carol and her new man he didn't think he could do it. He wanted her to be happy, but deep down he felt like they were robbed by Alice's lies and that they should still be together. Nothing good could come from seeing how she moved on without him. Part of him knew it could send him back where he was not too long ago, and he had his mental health to consider.

He got off work at 9 and took the bus back to his apartment, passing the library along the way. He walked the seven floors up to his place and collapsed on the couch the moment he got in.

All over the coffee table were the things he'd saved from college and his relationship with Carol. He had been going through it before he left for work and hadn't put it away. There were pictures of them and ticket stubs from movies he took her to. He still had a little bear she won for him at the fair; she was a good shot. He must have kept all this stuff to torture himself, but he couldn't throw it out for the life of him. She only ever wrote him one letter, the whole time they were together, and he'd read it a hundred times. It occurred to him then that he would never get better if he didn't let all this go, she was just gone. He read it one more time because it just felt like a good time to be sad.

_**Daryl,** _

_**I wanted to tell you that I love you in letter form just to prove you aren't the only one who can write letters. I finally chose the boy's name and I think it's fair cause you chose the girl's name so here goes...you ready? OK...Joshua. I think it's a nice name and you picked Chloe, so they go together well enough, right? So we can live in that house we picked on the way to my parent's place and get married and have Chloe and Joshua and everything will be perfect. Deal?** _

_**It's is going to be great, you just watch. We'll graduate, and then nothing will stop us, babe.** _

_**Meet me at my dorm after curfew. Love you so so so so so much,** _

_**Carol** _

He couldn't go to that party; it would break him.

###############################

Michonne couldn't get Daryl off her mind. He still felt the same about Carol as back in college; there were no two ways around it.

Michonne followed almost everyone she could from back in college on social media and the evening before the party she decided to ask a question of Alice's former best friend. Michonne had never really communicated with Jenny Forrester, but they were Facebook 'friends' so she sent a message to her on the off chance she could solve a cold case.

_**~ Jenny, I know it was a long time ago, but I was hoping I could ask you something about Alice from back in the day.** _

It took Jenny 45 minutes to get back to her and Michonne grabbed her phone the second it notified her. She felt like a detective.

_**~ Hey Michonne. Yeah, what is it?** _

_**~ This is delicate but it's actually really important. Do you remember the night Daryl got smashed at that party? Right before he left school?** _

_**~ Yeah, that was a hell of a night. It was that end of the year thing, right?** _

_**~ Yes. I need to know about him and Alice. Did they really sleep together?** _

Three full minutes passed, and Michonne wondered what the hell she was doing bringing up college gossip at her age. The truth was that she wanted Carol to know what really happened no matter what it was, she deserved the truth.

 _**~ Alice was crazy for Daryl. She tried to get him away from Carol more than once. That night she** _ _**found him all fucked up and passed out and she jumped at the chance to make it look like they had sex. I guess she figured someone would see them together and tell Carol, or maybe he'd wake up, and it would actually happen, I don't even know.** _

_**~ Are you serious?** _

_**~ Yeah. She never even told me until years later when she got drunk at my bachelorette party. She was such a bitch; we don't talk anymore.** _

_**~ Thanks so much for being honest with me about this.** _

_**~ No problem, she really screwed things up for them.** _

_**~ Yes she did. Thanks, Jen:) xoxo** _

_**~ Anytime. Lol** _

Michonne shook her head and dropped her face to her hands. She pondered what to do. Carol seemed fairly happy with Shane. They had only been together a year, but it seemed OK from the outside. Shane was a cop and very good looking. He treated her well as far as Michonne could tell but is wasn't like her and Daryl. Carol said they fought, but that was normal as far as Michonne knew. Michonne really didn't do the relationship thing, so it was hard for her to discern how happy they really were.

In the end, Michonne decided that if they were truly happy and meant to be together, then this wouldn't change anything. Carol deserved to know the truth about Daryl if only to put it to rest once and for all. She did a screen shot of her interaction with Jenny and emailed it to Carol's personal email before she could change her mind. She might kick herself for meddling, but she remembered all the tears and the pain after it happened. Carol felt low about herself for a long time, thinking she hadn't been enough for the man she loved. Michonne wanted her to know she always had been.


	4. Chapter 4

" _ **Hey, Carol! I was wondering when you'd come looking for him."**_

" _ **What's going on here?"**_

" _ **What does it look like?"**_

" **Considering you're naked with my boyfriend it looks a lot like you slept with him!** _ **"**_

" _ **I'm afraid so. Oh! look at that; you woke him up."**_

" _ **Carol?...Alice? What's going on here?"**_

" _ **I hope you're happy, Daryl."**_

" _ **Carol, I know how this looks, but nothing happened."**_

" _ **Save your breath, she already told me."**_

" _ **Wait, just let me get dressed! We need to talk about this."**_

" _ **No, we don't! Just leave me alone!"**_

" _ **Carol, just wait a minute!"**_

" _ **Just l**_ _ **et her go, Daryl."**_

" _ **Get your hands off of me, Alice!...Carol! Wait!**_ _ **"**_

" _ **I don't even want to know how you could do this to us. Just stay away from me, Daryl!**_ _ **"**_

_**^Chapter Four** _

"Carol, come to bed!" Shane yelled from the bedroom.

"Just a minute," Carol answered, rolling her eyes.

"You said that five minutes ago," he continued.

She was about to close her laptop when she got an email from Michonne titled "For your eyes only." Carol grinned, assuming it was a picture of a naked man or some kind of joke. She clicked on it, and it took a few minutes before she figured out what she was even looking at.

The moment it dawned on her what the screenshot was telling her she felt a cold chill settle down her spine. A sick feeling washed over her.

Here, in black and white, was cold hard proof that she had thrown away the best relationship of her life over a lie.

"Babe! Come to bed already!"

Carol couldn't see straight but shook her head back to reality. She walked into the bedroom and just looked at him.

"What's the matter?" Shane asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Nothing. I'm OK, just tired."

Shane pulled back the quilt, and she climbed in. She felt shaken, horrible and confused as he wrapped his arm around her. All she wanted to do was call Daryl and beg his forgiveness.

She reached forward to turn off the lamp and knew sleep wouldn't come easily, if at all.

####################################

The next morning she called Michonne the moment Shane left for work.

"What the hell were you thinking sending me that? I didn't sleep a wink last night."

"Sorry. I just needed you to see it."

"Give me his number."

"Carol, I don't think that's a great idea."

"Michonne, give it to me."

"Do you know what you're doing?"

"No. Lemme have it."

###################################

Carol had a day off work and decided to go see her parents; she needed to go back to her comfort zone. She needed to talk to someone who she didn't have to censor herself around. Carol wondered what it meant that she wanted to call him so badly but it felt like a crazy thing to do.

When she looked at the facts, calling an ex-boyfriend from ten years ago seemed ridiculous but she owed him an apology, and she knew it.

She drove straight to the home she grew up in. Her dad was in the gravel driveway washing the car. Her parents lived 20 minutes out of the city in an old farmhouse. They owned goats and did organic gardening. Her mom sold paintings, and her dad was a poet, they even ran a farm stand with fresh produce in the summertime.

"Hey, Dad."

"Sweetheart! Your mom didn't say you were coming."

"I just decided to stop by. I need to talk to her."

"Everything OK?"

"Yeah, just girl stuff."

She found her mother inside the house, painting. Clair was almost always painting. Carol's parents never got the memo about following the norm. Her dad, Dale, was a free spirit as was her mother, Clair. Growing up in her house had meant free and open dialogue on all manner of subjects. They encouraged her to pursue her dreams and follow her heart; they were the best parents she could have hoped for.

Back in college, they loved Daryl almost as much as she did. She brought him back for Easter, Thanksgiving and even Christmas one year when his dad was in the hospital. They would always go see his dad as well, but her parents insisted on seeing them for every holiday. Carol knew her mom would know just how she was feeling.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, my love?"

Her mom rarely just said "hi." The way she spoke was lyrical and poetic; nobody was quite like Clair Horvath.

"A matter of the heart and a ghost from the past?" Carol answered, trying to imitate her mother's fancy way of speaking.

"Uh oh," Clair answered, putting down her brush and palette. Clair knew the look on her daughter's face, and this was a proper 'sit down' problem. "Just a tic!"

Clair grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and a cigarette.

"Mom, it's 9am!"

"Are you trying to tell me, with that face, that you don't want a glass?"

"No. Pour on." she sighed. Her mom knew her better than she knew herself.

They sat at the kitchen table, and her mom lit one of her Benson and Hedges 100s.

"OK, babe. Lay it on me."

"It's about Daryl."

Her mom began to cough and sputter smoke into the room.

"Sorry," she hacked, trying to regain her composure. "Daryl, from college?"

"Yes. You know how that ended. Well, it looks like it didn't really happen like I thought. He didn't cheat on me after all."

"I told you! Didn't I tell you?" her mom insisted.

"Mom, stop."

Carol showed her the email and screenshot from Michonne on her phone.

"What do I do? Michonne met him for a drink the other night, and he asked about me. I never even let him explain. I threw it away for nothing."

Carol took a long sip of wine and pinched a cigarette from her mother's pack. She rarely smoked but when she did it was always with her mom over a long, normally difficult, talk.

"You owe him an apology," her mother said, plainly.

"I know. It's just that with Shane in my life now I don't want to send him mixed messages. Michonne said he struggled with some depression recently."

"I see. That does make it more delicate. It may help him to know that you know the truth though and that you're sorry."

"That's what I thought. Do I still have those boxes in the basement?"

"You know we don't throw anything away, babe," Clair chuckled.

Her parent's house was a jumble of 1970s influence, art, and so many plants it looked downright tropical. It looked normal to Carol, but she still remembered the first time she brought Daryl over. He had whispered to her, "Are your parents hippies?"

She had nodded and laughed.

She descended the stairs and shivered. Carol hated the basement, it was full of huge spiders, dust, and darkness but she had to find the box.

She pulled the chain at the bottom of the stairs and hoped the box would be right there in front of her and not require digging. Twenty minutes, 3 spiders and a panic attack later she found it and carried it upstairs to safety.

She grabbed her wine glass and another cigarette before digging up the bones of her college love.

She took off the lid of the legal box and set it down on the coffee table. Carol sat cross-legged on the puke green shag carpet and pulled out the stack of letters. She could never have thrown these away.

She opened the first she saw and knew she'd read them all in time if it killed her.

_**Carol,** _

_**I missed you so bad over the weekend. I can't wait to see you after class. I know it was only a 3 days, but I got used to seeing you every day now. I heard that song that reminds me of you a hundred times on the radio, so that didn't help. I hope your weekend with Michonne was good (I hope you miss me too cause if you didn't then maybe I like you a lot more than you like me. Ha ha!) I probably do anyway. See you at 7** _

_**I love you and I won't stop...you can't make me. xo** _

He left letters like this all over the place over the course of two years. Slipped under her door, her pillow, the blades of her windshield wipers...everywhere. She said on their first date that she liked letters and he just ran with it. Some were short and goofy, and others were epic 10-page ramblings of every thought in his head.

Carol blew out a long puff of smoke and knew she was already in deep.

Her dad appeared next to her on the couch.

"Daryl, huh?"

She looked up and had a tear threatening to fall from her eye.

"Yeah. Did Mom tell you?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, honey. That a rough one."

"Why did this have to happen now and not 10 years ago?"

"It happens when it happens. So, you gonna call him?" he asked.

"I have to. I need to say I'm sorry. It did look bad...but I knew him, and I should have heard him out."

"All you can do it make it right now. It's bad karma if you don't," he laughed.

"Dad," she groaned with a little smile. "I'm taking these with me."

"Go ahead, it's all yours but maybe don't show 'em to Shane," he chuckled.

"You're right. What was I thinking? I'll leave them here but can you keep them out of spider land for me. I almost pissed myself down there."

"Hey, all animals are beautiful," Dale insisted.

"Nope, not spiders."

"I'll put them on the shelf in my office," he said, hugging her and wandering off to water his 400 plants.

She got home by a little after noon and decided it was now or never. She got the number ready and took a slow, shaky breath. She hoped he'd forgive her; she hoped she'd forgive herself

###############################################

_I'm sorry people don't like Shane as her fiance but to be honest, he's pretty irrelevant to the story. lol, I just picked him cause I never put him in my work._

_This story is purposefully streamlined to stay on the subject of Daryl and Carol as much as possible without getting into side plot, so Carol's fiance has very little role in the overall piece.:) Won't pick him again as a partner for her cause it obviously overshadows the plot I'm trying to present._


	5. Chapter 5

**_"Where's your girl these days?"_ **

**_"We broke up."_ **

**_"Bullshit. You love that girl, I know you do. You gotta go back to school, you know."_ **

**_"Maybe next year. Things ended badly with her...I can't face her now."_ **

**_"I'm sorry, Son."_ **

**_"Me too. I've been trying to get her on the phone but she won't talk to me."_ **

**_"What did you do?"_ **

**_"Nothing, but it really looks like I did. It's a long story, Pop."_ **

**_"Keep trying, she's a nice girl. You and her make a great pair."_ **

**_"I'll keep trying till she tells me to stop or changes her number_ ** **_."_ **

**_"Good man. She'll come around...might take time but one of these days you'll get her back."_ **

_**^Chapter Five** _

Daryl took the new/old cassette from the store downstairs out of the paper bag and put it on his stereo. He hadn't heard this in ages and it was only $1 so he couldn't resist. He rewound it to the beginning as he got a cup of coffee, waiting for it to get to the start of the first side. When it did he hit play and the first song started. He only got about 45 seconds into the song _Debaser_ when the Pixies tape started to get eaten.

"FUCK!"

He opened the deck and started to try and extract it from his stereo. Daryl had iTunes on his phone but he loved old cassettes and records too. His brother had owned this tape and he remembered hearing it in the house a lot as a kid. Rick would be insisting he was an idiot for hanging onto this old technology. Daryl just felt attracted to everything he used to have and the way things used to be.

Everything he really wanted in life had already happened and was gone now.

His phone started ringing as he was still trying to get his stereo to cough up the tape. His hands and mind were busy so he didn't look at the number but he wouldn't have recognized it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hi...Daryl?"

His blood ran cold.

A voice he didn't recognize, but must have been his own, answered, "Yeah?"

He backed up until his heels hit the couch and he sat down slowly before he fell down.

"It's me," she said, softly.

"I know."

How did she think he could ever forget her voice?

"I know I probably shouldn't be calling you...but could I meet you somewhere? I need to talk to you in person."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You do?"

"Yes. Is that OK?"

"Sure. Where?"

"It's actually kinda private, not really a conversation to have in public. Could I maybe come over to your place?"

He looked around and couldn't imagine her in his home. Her voice was making him crazy already and the sight of her here was sure to ruin him.

"Yeah. OK."

He wasn't able to compose full sentences; he was mesmerized.

"When are you free?"

He had nowhere to be that day. Michonne invited him to her party but he decided he couldn't handle it. He hadn't told her he wouldn't be there yet he just planned to not turn up. Carol with her fiance was something he couldn't take. Carol alone, was another story.

"Now is good...or whenever."

She asked for his address and he managed to get it out and end the conversation with some composure. He hung up the phone and started tidying up. He opened the curtains and the window to let in some fresh air. He didn't know what she wanted but he still didn't want to look like he lived like a hermit, even though that was basically the case.

He threw on a clean shirt and some aftershave Lori had given him for Christmas that he'd never used. He brushed his hair and tried to not look panicked but he was a mess. He wasn't fool enough to think she was here to take him back but he wanted to at least look like he was OK, even though he wasn't.

Half an hour later when she buzzed his apartment he briefly considered not answering. He didn't know how he was suppose to look at her and not lose it. He pushed the intercom and said, "Come in."

He decided to meet her on the stairs, it was a long walk when you didn't do it everyday.

He turned the corner on the fifth floor and there, at the bottom of the flight of stairs, was his first love. His breath caught in his throat and he just stopped and stared at her. He was worried he might fall apart, just standing there. She had on jeans and a white blouse. Her hair was still short and her eyes still looked right through him.

"Hi, Daryl."

"Hey." he uttered, it was all he could manage.

She walked up the stairs toward him, and he backed up to give her room. He led her to his apartment, and she came in and took off her shoes.

"Uh...have a seat," he offered.

"Daryl. I have a lot of things to say and...thanks for letting me come over to tell you this in person."

"It's OK."

"I know it was a long time ago but I made a huge mistake and I had to tell you I'm sorry. I know nothing happened with Alice...I know that now."

He just sat looking at her but then turned his gaze to the floor so she couldn't see his eyes, she could read them too well. He didn't want her to see the pitiful hope in them, the desperate and unrealistic plea that she'd be his again.

"How do you know that now?" he asked, wondering what evidence she found to prove his innocence that he never could.

She pulled out her phone and showed him the screen shot.

"I still can't believe I didn't listen to you or take your calls. When I came to find you the next morning after the party and saw you in bed with her I just...I lost my mind."

He handed her back the phone and had no idea what to say.

"It didn't look good; I know that. I never would have cheated on you though."

He wished for years that he could find her and convince her that he hadn't done it. The plans were always elaborate but here she was, of her own accord, informing him he'd been vindicated.

"I know. I can't change it now but I wish I could go back and talk some sense to myself. You and I had something really special and I let it go, I'm sorry."

Daryl could feel it rising up inside and all the deep breaths in the world wouldn't stop it coming. All the times he dreamed of her forgiveness and now he was getting an apology, it was too much for him to take.

He got up and walked into the kitchen before she could see him crack. Any hopes of maintaining a macho image of strength were gone, she was always his greatest weakness. He held his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the sound but it was no use.

When he thought he had it under some kind of control, he turned around, but she was right behind him.

She grabbed him and held him tight. He broke into a hundred pieces and cursed her for coming to pour salt on his wounds when he was already so broken. He held her back and cried into her shoulder. It occurred to him after a minute or so that she was crying too and he had no idea what it meant.

"Daryl, I'm so sorry."

Five minutes later they were still holding each other, and he didn't want to let her go.

"I didn't mean to come here and make anything worse for you."

Daryl wiped his face and shook his head; he knew this wasn't vindictive on her part.

"Forget it. I'm a bit of a mess these days anyway."

They sat back down on his couch and he felt like a sad fool for losing it in front of her but he was only human.

"Are you coming to Michonne's place tonight? She told me she asked you."

"No, I don't think so," he answered. There was no way he'd make it through that.

"Why not?"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course."

"I don't want to see you with someone else. I know that's petty but I just don't think it would do me any good."

"He won't be there...but I understand. I just hoped I could see you again but I guess that's pretty selfish of me to come looking for your forgiveness and your friendship."

"I was never mad at you, Carol. I just wish I could have proved it didn't happen when it would have made a difference. Now you know but it's too late, that's just my luck I guess."

"I wish it would have turned out differently for us. I'd do everything differently if I could go back. I hope you change your mind and come along tonight. I'd love to see you again and I know Michonne would too."

"I'll think about it."

"Good."

She stood up, and he walked her to the door.

She moved in to hug him again, and he gave in to it even though he knew it would make the dreams worse and break him that little bit more.

She walked out of his life again, and he spent the rest of the afternoon at the gym trying to run from the pain.


	6. Chapter 6

" _ **Honey, I think you should at least hear him out."**_

" _ **I saw it with my own eyes, and this girl said so herself that it happened."**_

" _ **I'm so sorry, honey. I hate to play devil's advocate, but I just can't believe it. Daryl worshiped the ground you walked on. How long has it been now since you spoke?"**_

" _ **He left school right after so...4 weeks? He keeps calling, but I'll never be able to get the vision of them together out of my mind. I just can't imagine kissing him again."**_

" _ **This is such a tragedy. You two were such a perfect couple."**_

" _ **I know, Mom. I thought we were going to get married and have babies and grow old together. I**_ _**just keep waking up every morning like everything is fine and then I remember that it really happened and I feel miserable all over again."**_

" _ **You know your dad, and I are here for anything you need. Seriously though, a conversation can't really make things worse. Maybe he has something to say about it."**_

" _ **What could he possibly say? They were naked, in bed, together. What else could it be?"**_

" _ **I don't know. I just can't imagine you two ending like this."**_

" _ **Trust me, I know. It's a nightmare for me, and it gets harder every day."**_

_**^Chapter Six** _

Michonne had just bought her new home, and it was the place she always wanted. Sleek, modern and only one bedroom with an office. She had the party catered as she couldn't be interested in cooking. Carol came alone since Shane had tickets to a basketball game with his friends. Michonne never hit it off with Shane anyway, so she didn't mind him not being there. He always struck her as a little cocky and not really Carol's type.

Shane proposed after only 8 months, at a football game. The whole thing was filmed by TV cameras at halftime and witnessed by everyone in the stadium. Carol admitted to Michonne that even though she wasn't quite ready, saying no in front of thousands of people was harder than it looked. Carol got more used to the idea after a few weeks, and Shane really wasn't a bad guy at all he just moved a little faster than she did. Carol had always been a very private person and never pictured being proposed to this way. She assumed whoever asked would know she loved her privacy, apparently, Shane had missed that about her.

Carol arrived at Michonne's house early and helped her pick music and light candles. Michonne invited a fairly small group of mutual friends and work colleagues.

"It's a shame Daryl won't be here," Carol mused while arranging some flowers on the kitchen counter. Carol felt an aching inside since she left his apartment and couldn't shake the sensation of him in her arms.

"He's coming alright," Michonne laughed. "I called and asked him if he'd feel better coming with Rick and Lori, and he said OK."

"That's good. He looked like he could use a night out."

"I still think it was really good of you to apologize. Most people would have just left it," Michonne said, rubbing her shoulder.

"It was really hard to see him actually, we both cried. We were so in love; it's hard to get over the fact that we lost it all over something so stupid. There's so much I regret about the way I handled it."

"Maybe you should be thinking twice about the path you choose then, my friend."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe it's not over with Daryl after all."

"I couldn't do that to Shane," Carol said, lighting a series of candles and shaking her head.

"So, even if you still have feelings for Daryl you'll marry Shane just because you're engaged?"

"I didn't say I have feelings for Daryl," Carol defended.

"Really? You could put me in a room with any ex-boyfriend I ever had, and I would feel absolutely nothing. Just think about it, OK? There are worse things in the world than breaking off an engagement."

"Like what?" Carol asked.

"Losing the love of your life twice in a lifetime," Michonne said, without a hint of hesitation.

If Carol chose to marry Shane, that was just fine, but Michonne wanted to be sure she was positive about it. She saw too many friends settle into relationships they thought they were 'supposed' to be in. Michonne was choosing to stay single until she found someone she couldn't live without.

Carol was just about to give her shit for filling her head with confusion when the doorbell rang, and she went to let in the first guests.

Everyone else had arrived, and after 45 minutes Carol was sure she'd seen the last of Daryl.

The music was up higher, and everyone was drinking and talking so loud that she hadn't noticed Michonne answering the door and letting Rick, Lori, and Daryl in.

She finally saw him standing against the wall, half an hour later, holding a beer and looking uncomfortable. Rick and Lori were chatting with Michonne, and she felt herself being drawn to him. He had on dark jeans and a blue dress shirt; he looked great but very awkward.

She stopped to look in the mirror and brushed some fluff from the front of her black top. She showed up in jeans as well and heels that made her feet ache. Her top was almost backless, and she wondered where Michonne had thrown her jacket so she could put it back on. Her clothes were more revealing than she normally wore as a librarian but she didn't get out much, so she wanted to have some fun.

"Hi...I'm glad you came," she said with a wide smile.

"I had three people pushing me out the door, so I gave up and did as I was told."

She laughed and knew just how he felt, Michonne was pretty persuasive.

"Well, I hope you have a good time anyway."

Daryl shrugged his shoulders, and she could see the crowded living room was a bit much for him.

"Come with me," she said, nodding toward the hall.

She walked ahead of him, and he followed, staring at the bare skin from the back of her neck almost to her waist. It was hard to see so much of her skin, the last time he'd see her naked back was in his bed back in college.

She opened a set of french doors leading onto a lit up deck, and he walked out behind her.

"It's quieter here. I remember how much you used to hate crowds."

"Still do. Thanks."

He took a sip of his beer and walked to the rail to look out over Michonne's back yard.

"Are you OK?" she asked. He didn't look OK; he looked miserable.

"If I'm being honest with you, I'm not. I haven't been OK for a while, but I spend a lot of time pretending."

He could always be honest with her, and he hoped that was still true.

"I'm sorry to hear that. You deserve to be happy," she said, coming over to stand next to him.

"You too," he replied.

Daryl found himself wishing he hadn't seen her from the bus that day. Getting his head around the idea that he couldn't get her back was brutal. A big part of him wanted to take her and push her against the wall the way she used to like. He would never do it now, but he remembered the way she would quiver when he'd take control. This was not in the beginning; it was after many months of figuring out how she wanted it. He learned her by heart over those two years. He knew every fear, every craving and every hope she had.

They stood in silence, stealing glances at each other for a long time. Neither knew quite what to say but just standing next to each other felt right.

They wandered back inside after a while, and he found himself drinking more than he planned to. His body wanted things he couldn't have, and he was exhausted from hurting. Self-medicating was stupid, but he couldn't take it anymore.

He sat down at the island in Michonne's kitchen downing one drink after the other. He hadn't been really drunk in years, but he was getting there fast.

Daryl spent the next hour drinking and playing Candy Crush waiting for Rick and Lori to drive him home. He spotted them slow dancing next to a huge piano in Michonne's living room and rolled his eyes. He was lonely. It was all couples, and the only ones alone were him and Carol. Michonne even had a date tonight. Everyone was talking to their partner or dancing, and he spotted Carol looking at him from across the room. He looked down so she couldn't read him but she came over anyway.

Carol pulled his drink away, and he looked up at her.

"I shouldn't have come here," he said. He'd had too much to drink, and he was embarrassed.

"It's OK," she insisted.

"You look so pretty tonight. Where's your fiance?" he asked. He could hear how drunk he sounded now; he knew it was going to end badly.

"He had tickets to a basketball game."

"Huh..." he said, looking confused.

"What?" she asked.

"Basketball is stupid. I'd rather spend time with you than watch basketball any day."

He closed his eyes for a moment, and the room felt like it was spinning.

Carol knew he was in pain and she was too, but she didn't know how to handle all the things she was feeling. She couldn't keep seeing him like this; it would kill them both.

Maybe Michonne was right, and she should reconsider her options.

"Did you know that when you called me, it would destroy me?" he laughed.

Carol frowned and had a feeling he was more drunk that she originally thought.

"No. I told you I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that" he said, trying to stand up but tripping on his own foot.

"Just sit. It's OK."

"It's not your fault that I'm like this. I should have gotten over it years ago but I never could. I'm gonna be screwed up over you till the day I die."

"No, you won't. You'll find someone."

"Nope. I won't. I don't even want to cause I'd just be lying to her. You and me? That was it for me. It's all I ever wanted, but I can't have it."

Carol was devastated just listening to him. He had no censor at the moment, and everything he said broke her heart.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's OK. It just happened...it's not your fault," he said, reaching for her and pulling her close. "Sorry...I shouldn't hug you."

"It's alright," she said, holding him back. She could feel his hot breath on her neck. He was holding her so tight, and she realized how different his body was now. He was stronger and bigger than the younger man she loved, but he was still vulnerable and hurting.

Daryl's hands were touching her bare back, and it felt exactly the same as when he'd hold her in bed. His mind went right back to those nights and then his mouth betrayed him.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he mumbled into her ear.

"Yes."

"Sometimes I still dream about that first time, and I can feel you in my arms...it feels just like this. It makes me sad when I wake up cause you're gone."

Daryl shook his head as he let her go, "I can't believe I just told ya that...I'm stupid tonight...just ignore me."

He staggered to the deck again, leaving Carol with tears in her eyes.

"Hey, there. Shouldn't you slow down?" Michonne asked when she recognized that it was all too much for him.

"No, if I keep drinking then I won't feel anything anymore," he slurred. Daryl picked up her wine glass from the table and finished the contents.

Michonne felt bad for him, she knew why he was drinking this way, and she didn't blame him. He slumped down at the patio table and laughed to himself.

"I was supposed to do this differently, you know?" he uttered, staring off at the sky.

"How do you mean?"

"I should have said I don't care about the past, and I should have just been cool with it when she turned up, but I wasn't. Do you know what I did?"

"Daryl, we don't have to talk about this," Michonne insisted, closing the French doors to the deck. She didn't want him to have to do this in front of people; he deserved some privacy.

"I cried! Yep! Right there in my kitchen like an idiot. She just came to say sorry and then she can move on with a clear conscience, and she broke me all over again."

"She's not like that, Daryl. You know that."

"No...I know she isn't. I keep trying to make myself believe she isn't perfect just cause I can't have her back. I know she's not trying to kill me, but she's killing me anyway."

"Daryl, let me get you a coffee. OK?"

"I ruined your party...but I tried to tell everyone I shouldn't come."

"Just sit down and let me get you that coffee. You didn't ruin anything."

Daryl looked out over the deck at the sky, and the stars were moving across the sky so fast. He tilted his head and wondered when they started doing that...then he was asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

" _ **She still not answering?"**_

" _ **She will eventually. She probably just needs to think or something."**_

" _ **It's been over a month, man."**_

" _ **I'm telling you, Rick, it's not over yet. How's things at school anyway? Does she look OK?"**_

" _ **She looks down, but she's still not picking up when you call. You need to consider that she's just done with it."**_

" _ **I can't, not yet. I'm going out of my mind trying to think of how to prove to her it didn't happen."**_

" _ **You can't. That girl, Alice fucked things up good for you."**_

" _ **I know. What the hell did I ever do to her?"**_

" _ **Daryl, just go out with somebody else and then get your ass back to school."**_

" _ **I just want Carol back. I can't just replace her with somebody else."**_

" _ **You're gonna have to."**_

" _ **There's still a chance. I'm gonna keep trying until I know it's really over."**_

_**^Chapter Seven** _

When Daryl rolled over the next morning, he felt an unfamiliar blanket under his chin. His head was pounding, and his mouth was dry as a bone. The sun coming through the blinds made him squint, he was in very rough shape.

For a moment he had no idea where he was, and he pulled the blanket up to his chest.

He looked over to the nearest wall and saw a picture of Michonne's brother and felt calmer instantly. He was at Michonne's house. Terror crept over his mind as he remembered how drunk he had gotten.

He stood up, and the blanket fell to the floor as he groaned and rubbed his eyes. He looked down and saw his dick and was very confused.

He could hear Michonne downstairs saying goodbye to her date, and he wondered why he had no clothes on and where they were.

He looked around the room, and they were thrown on the couch next to where he had passed out. By the looks of it, someone had taken him to her office. There was a bookcase, a desk, and couch.

"Michonne!" he called, pulling the sheet up around his waist again.

She turned up at the door to find him standing with a white sheet around him.

"I swear they put you on the couch but you rolled off twice, so we just left you on the floor, you seemed to want to be there," she giggled.

"Do you know why I'm naked?" he asked.

"I don't know, Hun. We heard you complaining about the heat a few times, so I guess you ended up...undressed?"

"I'm sorry, Michonne."

She walked into the room and looked him right in the face.

"Daryl, I remember you being one of the sweetest guys I ever met. I know how much you love her still and last night was too much, I see that now. Everything is OK."

He had pulled the sheet up to his chin as she spoke and felt pretty stupid.

"What did I do?" he asked her regretfully.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Take your time and then come down for some breakfast. You don't have a car here do you?" she checked on her way out the door.

"I don't even have a car. I'll call a cab," he said.

"No, you won't. I'll drive you. See you downstairs in a minute. Take a shower if you want to."

Daryl looked around for his underwear and found them tossed on her couch. He reached over to pick them up and felt ridiculous. He wondered what he'd said to Carol as he got dressed.

He walked slowly down Michonne's stairs wondering who had brought him up them in the first place.

"Come here and get something to eat."

He walked into her kitchen feeling like an idiot.

"Michonne..."

"Stop right there. We're friends, OK? I know you're having a hard time. If I'd known how hard, I would have known not to ask you to come last night."

"We were friends so long ago. Now I'm just some guy who showed up at your party and acted like an idiot."

"We haven't spoken in a long time, but you'll never just be some guy, Daryl. You're my friend."

She handed him a coffee and smiled at him. She made him feel warm and good; she was always a good friend.

"Before you ask, you didn't say anything unforgivable to her."

Daryl sighed and rubbed his forehead; he felt dehydrated and tired.

He looked up, and she was handing him some Advil and bottled water.

"We've all been there, Daryl. After what happened with you two I'd be more worried if you didn't care."

"Maybe I shouldn't see her again. I know I reached out to you, and I asked about her, but this isn't good for me. I still want to see you if I can...but seeing her is too hard for me."

"I understand, whatever you need."

Michonne made him breakfast and then drove him home; you couldn't find better than a friend like her.

"I want you to call me later, understand?" She leaned in and hugged him tightly.

"I will. Thank you for understanding."

The seven flights of stairs were murder with his hangover, but he finally made it. There was a message from Rick, and he called him back to get it over with.

"What the hell were you thinking last night?" Rick asked.

"You don't wanna know. I thought maybe you might have watched my back for me a little," he joked.

"Sorry, man. Lori kinda sucks up all my attention."

"It's OK. Michonne took care of me," he sighed.

"She's one of the good ones. She still looks so good."

"I know. It's like all the women we went to college with got better looking and I just got old and miserable."

"Daryl, you know you can't keep this up with her, right?" Rick warned.

"I know. I said the same thing to Michonne this morning."

"Good. I'm glad to hear you accept it now. There's only one thing that will get you over it."

"No, man. I'm not ready for that shit," Daryl groaned. He knew he was gonna try setting him up again with the woman Lori worked with.

"You wanna sit around dreaming of Carol the rest of your life. Move on, Daryl. Just go for a drink with her for Christ sake!"

"Will you leave me alone after?"

"Yep. It'll get Lori off my back too," Rick laughed.

"Not tonight though, I feel like shit."

"OK, I'll tell her tomorrow then."

"Fine. I gotta go crash for a bit."

##########################

"Is he OK?" Carol asked. She called Michonne the second she could get away from Shane.

"I don't really think so. He's hurting, Carol."

"Should I call him?" Carol asked. It would always be instinct for her to want to make him feel better.

"Actually, he says he can't see you," Michonne said, hoping it would come across right.

"What?"

"It's too painful for him. He still loves you, Carol."

"So...I can't even talk to him now?"

"No. I hate to say it, but he's right. I thought maybe you two could be friends or something, but he can't be your friend feeling the way he does. He has his depression to think about."

"You're right. It's selfish of me to want to see him if it makes him miserable."

"Can I ask you a question, Carol? And I want the truth."

"OK?"

"Do you really love Shane?"

"Of course, I mean..." she sighed and realized that she didn't feel for Shane the way she did for Daryl.

"Well, that sounds like true love to me," Michonne laughed.

"Stop it. It's just that college love is different, right? You feel everything so much more intensely than when you're older...don't you?"

"Carol, you need to have a good hard think about this before you regret it. Why don't we go for a drink tomorrow night?"

"Sounds good. Damn it! Shane's back. I gotta go."

"OK, call me later."

"Bye."

Carol hung up the phone and Shane came through the door, dropping shopping bags on the table.

"Hey, you," he grinned.

"Hey."

"I'm making you the best supper tonight. You ever had my lasagna?"

"I don't think so," she smiled.

"Oh, you'd remember it!"

"I bet it's good then."

"You OK?" he asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah, just tired after last night. How was the game?"

"Good. So did you see that ex of yours?"

"Yeah." She didn't even want to mention Daryl to Shane; she felt confused.

"So, do you still love him?" he teased.

_Of course, I do, I never stopped._

Carol took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Why did he have to ask that?

"What a question," she said, getting up to grab a water out of the fridge.

"I notice you didn't say no though," he smirked.

"Let's not talk about him, OK?"

"Alright, alright."

"I have to get to work, but I can't wait to try the lasagna. I'm so glad you like cooking, I hate it."

"Yeah, no problem. See you tonight."

Carol grabbed her stuff and left her house feeling lost and determined to figure out the answers. She couldn't deny the way she felt the moment he whispered into her ear last night. She could remember how it felt to be laying in his bed too and it tortured her.

She replayed it over and over in her mind all the way home from the party and knew it had affected her more than it should. Imagining him dreaming of that made her both happy and sad. She would never forget that first time as long as she lived. It had never been better ever since then with anyone. She hadn't had many boyfriends since because she was afraid to feel for anyone the way she did for Daryl. Loving anyone that much was dangerous. She kept her guard up constantly. That was probably why Shane felt more like a best friend than her future husband. She couldn't bear the idea of hurting him, but if she let Daryl go again, she'd never be the same.


	8. Chapter 8

" _ **Did you wanna go for a drink sometime?"**_

" _ **I can't...uh I don't have a lot of extra time. Sorry."**_

" _ **You don't have one free evening at all?"**_

" _ **Sorry, Ally. It's just I'm helping out my dad a lot and trying to sell the car lot, and I just don't have time."**_

" _ **You could just say no, I can handle it."**_

" _ **The thing is I'm still trying to get over someone; I'd be no fun to be around anyway."**_

" _ **Oh, I'm sorry. When did this happen? I've known you a year, and I didn't know you were seeing anyone."**_

" _ **It was a little over a year ago now."**_

" _ **Still working things out?"**_

" _ **Yeah, I know."**_

" _ **Well, let me know if you're ever ready to move on."**_

" _ **OK. I think you're really nice and pretty and everything. It's not you at all, OK?"**_

" _ **It's OK, Daryl. I get it."**_

_**^Chapter Eight** _

The next night Daryl resolved to get his head together before he ended up back in the Bell Jar. He had come so far after losing it when his dad died, and he didn't want to go back.

Maybe Lisa would be a perfectly nice woman, and he could have something with her. Maybe she would fill all the emptiness and make him feel like Carol did. Maybe he'd fall hard the moment he lay eyes on her and forget all about Carol in another man's arms. He kept trying to convince himself to keep an open mind as he showered and shaved to get ready.

He was meeting her at the same place he'd met Michonne and Rick told him she was really nice. He couldn't decide what to wear. Part of him wanted to turn her off and make her not like him; then he could go back to thinking of Carol with a clear conscience telling himself he had tried.

He got there early; he liked to be early to get settled first. He sat with a drink in front of him and looked at her picture on his phone again. He had to know who to look for.

Lisa was tall and had blonde hair; she looked OK but nothing like Carol. He always did that; he compared all women to her.

Suddenly Lisa was there, and he said hi and gave her a friendly, awkward hug.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," she said.

"Yeah, you too. Can I get you a drink?" he asked. It felt like a job interview.

"Vodka soda, please."

She took off her coat and hung it over the back of her chair. She worked with Lori, and she talked about work a little. Daryl nodded at all the appropriate times and added bits of comments here and there. Spending two years in a black hole made him good at pretending he was OK and that he was interested in other people and living.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with Lisa. He could see she was attractive, smart, funny, and kind. She just wasn't Carol.

He sat across from her and when she lay her hand on his and smiled he knew he should feel something, any other man would, but he just didn't.

########################

Michonne picked Carol up to go for a drink, and she had done a lot of soul-searching. She had to end it with Shane, and it was going to hurt him, but it wasn't selfish in her opinion. Marrying him and loving someone else was selfish. Shane deserved to be with a woman who loved him the way she loved Daryl. She almost couldn't wait to tell Daryl, but first, she was telling Michonne.

"I'm going to call Daryl," she said in the car on the way to Tony's.

"Carol, I told you it's not right to do that to him," Michonne insisted.

"No, I'm ending it with Shane. I've thought about it long and hard, and I miss Daryl so bad. I want to see if we can get back what we had."

"Do you still love him?"

"I never really stopped, he was everything to me and seeing him again just makes me see that he still is. He's the same where it matters, and so am I."

"As long as you're sure. I'll kick your ass if you hurt him," Michonne teased.

"I'm completely sure."

"When are you calling him?"

"Tomorrow. I need to talk to Shane first, and I'm not looking forward to that. He'll hate me, and I accept that, but he'll thank me when he finds the one who really loves him."

Carol stood in the entrance of Michonne's favorite watering hole waiting for her to park the car. She pulled out her phone, checked her email and then looked up.

There he was. She held her breath, and her heart raced like she had caught him cheating, but he wasn't hers anymore. He wasn't cheating now, and he wasn't back then either.

Michonne walked in behind her and saw exactly what she did.

"Oh...Carol, come on."

Carol couldn't move, she couldn't breathe, and she couldn't stop looking at this woman's hand on Daryl's. Looking back she wished she had left when Michonne first said it to.

When his eyes met hers she could feel her lip trembling and her eyes filling with tears, but she forced a weak half smile before walking out. She didn't want him to feel bad for moving on; he had every right.

"Slow down!" Michonne called, trying to follow her down the sidewalk in heels.

"Why? Why does this happen with us? We're like ships passing in the night! I will never love anyone like him, and the second I decide to reach out he's taken!" Carol sobbed.

"It was probably just a first date, Carol. I know he wasn't seeing anyone just the other day. Just call him. Trust me. Tell him how you feel and if he still wants that woman in there then so be it but you have to try. I'm not sitting here and watching you two lie to yourselves and play games."

"You really think I should?"

"Definitely. This is too important not to give him the chance to say no if he wants to but I guarantee he won't."

Michonne took her somewhere else for a drink and then home early. Carol needed to think and sort herself out but didn't know how.

The hardest part about the whole thing was that even if she couldn't have Daryl, she knew she had to let Shane go.

############################

Daryl saw her eyes, and as always they looked right into him. He pulled his hand back slow, and he could see her smile a little. It was so far he could just make out that little smile, but he didn't know what it meant.

Was she happy to see him finally move on?

He wanted to chase her out onto the street but decided against it; he didn't really think she'd want him to. What for? She was engaged.

His date with Lisa ended, and he said he'd call her but doubted very much that he would. She kissed him goodbye, and he let it happen. He didn't feel a thing for her but nobody ever touched him, and he missed that. He even thought he could get her in bed if he wanted to but it wouldn't be fair to mess with someone like that, and it would be stupid to play with a friend of a friend. Rick would kick his ass on Lori's behalf. He'd never have Carol back and yet everything felt like cheating. His heart wasn't even his to give to anyone else; Carol would always own it. Maybe he'd spend the rest of his life celibate.

He had just crawled into bed and set his alarm for the morning when the strangest thing in the whole world happened.

Carol's mom sent him a friend request on Facebook. He laughed to himself about it. Carol's mother was a crazy, hippy artist with a heart of gold to he sighed and accepted right then and there.

He didn't know what they could possibly talk about but why not?

His thoughts came right back to Carol as they always and he drifted off, thinking of her face and that confusing little smile.


	9. Chapter 9

" _ **Carol, I want to ask you something."**_

" _ **Shane? What's going on here?"**_

" _ **Just a sec. Gotta do this right, down on one knee and all."**_

" _ **Oh my god..."**_

" _ **Carol, I know we haven't known each other long, but you're just what I'm looking for, and I love you. Maybe you'd be willing to put up with me a while longer and be my wife. Will you marry me?"**_

" _ **Shane...wow...I..."**_

" _ **That sounds nothing like a yes, Carol. You gonna shoot me down in front of all these people?"**_

" _ **...no...I'll marry you."**_

" _ **Yes? Jesus! Carol, don't do that to me. You hear that people, she said yes!"**_

_**^Chapter Nine** _

Daryl awoke, feeling tense and confused as ever. Rick had already called him to go for a run, and he hardly wanted to get out of bed.

**_~ quit your fucking moping and get your ass to the gym, buddy!_ **

He sighed and rolled over in bed, pulling the sheets up to his chin. He looked up the weather on his phone and then saw a notification on Facebook. Carol's mom was asking how he was doing.

_Just great! Thinking about your daughter has left me a blithering idiot. How are you doing?_

Daryl never really knew his mom, she had died when he was only 7. Mrs. Horvath had been so nice to him while he'd been with Carol and even sent him Christmas cards for years after it ended. He couldn't stop himself from saying hello back. He had gone home with Carol for Christmas one year, and she had made him a stocking with her own two hands. She was kooky and artsy and sweet as moms came. She was also really easy to talk to, and he just didn't feel like bullshitting her.

_**~ I'll be honest, I've been better, but I'll survive. You OK? How's Dale?** _

_**~ Good. He's going into town later today to pick up some paint for me. I miss your face, boy! You should come for dinner.** _

He remembered their funny house with all the plants, shag carpet, and 70s kitch; he had good memories of that ugly carpet. He didn't think it was probably a good idea. The more distance between he and Carol the better but she was hard to say no to, and he wasn't likely to see Carol there. Maybe she was just asking to be nice anyway.

_**~ Sure. Sounds good. I don't have a car though.** _

_**~ That's fine. I'll ask Dale to pick you up. Where are you living?** _

He wasn't even out of bed, and he was already having a weird day.

_**~ You sure, Mrs. Horvath?** _

_**~ Of course, and call me Clair when you get here.** _

_**~ I can't call you that** _

_**~ lol, alright then. Text me your address. (306) 776-2332** _

Daryl rolled out of bed and, although it was odd, he was looking forward to seeing them. Carol's mom was warm and sweet and always made great food. Dale was funny and always treated him like one of the family. He texted his address to Mrs. Horvath and went about his day. He went to the gym, and Rick asked about his night with Lisa and said that she really liked him and told Lori she wanted to see him again.

"I don't think so," he said, rewinding the tape in his Walkman.

"Daryl! What the hell is the matter with you? She's gorgeous and smart and funny-"

"You don't get it, do you? What if I told you to stop loving Lori today and go out with someone else?"

"That's different. Lori is mine; Carol is with someone else."

"I just don't want Lisa, OK? She's pretty and smart and all that other stuff I just don't want her."

Daryl walked over to the treadmill and tried to ignore Rick telling him he was just choosing to be depressed.

He ran like hell, till he didn't care what Rick said anymore. By the time he got back to his apartment, he was just ready for a shower and a cold beer. He walked downstairs to the music store in the afternoon to dig through the bin of cheap cassette tapes and found a few that looked OK. He was trying to keep his mind occupied but decided he should probably make an appointment to see his therapist. He was starting to get hungry around 4pm but refused to ruin his appetite, Mrs. Horvath always made huge meals. Around 5pm the text came from Dale, and he was ready.

_**~ the wife says I'm picking you up, you ready?** _

_**~ yeah, thanks a lot, Dale.** _

_**~ no problem, haven't seen you in a coon's age. Clair's been cooking all day; you better be hungry!** _

_###########################_

Carol was broken. She felt like a zombie, walking from one task to the next and filing books on auto pilot. She wondered if Daryl had sex with that woman after they left last night as if it was any of her business.

Shane was a good man, and she hoped he wouldn't be too angry after work when she ended it. He treated her well, and he was very attractive, leaving him made no sense on paper, but Daryl was the one.

When the day finally came to an end, she drove straight home to get it all over with. Maybe Daryl found someone else, but if she had to be alone, then it would be for the right reasons. Shane was watching football when she came in, and she dreaded hurting him.

"Shane, we need to talk."

"Yeah?" he said, not looking up.

"Can you turn that off for a minute?" she asked.

He turned to her then, and he looked concerned.

"What's wrong? You OK?"

She wished he was an asshole, but he wasn't.

"Not really. It's about us," she began.

He frowned then, and she wondered for a second what the hell she was doing.

He turned off the TV and waited for her to sit down.

"What is it?" he pressed.

"There's no easy way to say this, and I wish I didn't have to but...I can't marry you. I'm really sorry."

"Not ready yet?" he asked.

"I'm not the one for you, Shane. You're a good man and so handsome, and I do love you but...I'm not in love with you."

He looked at her as if she had three heads.

"Where the hell is all this coming from?" he asked, raising his voice. "We were happy a week ago! Then you see this old flame, and you don't want me anymore?"

"I'm sorry, Shane. I didn't plan this."

"You mean, I'm right? You're leaving me for your college boyfriend? The one you kept telling me broke your heart?"

"He didn't do it, Shane. We lost everything we had together over a lie. I was going to marry him, and it was stolen from us."

"You're way too young for a midlife crisis, Carol."

"Look, I know I'm springing this on you, and I'm really sorry. I never intended to do this to you."

"Well, I hope you're happy with yourself."

He got up to leave and rushed passed her. Carol didn't stop him, and she didn't say anything, there was nothing to say.

"You know what? When you figure out that he's not what you think and that digging up the past isn't all it's cracked up to be, don't bother calling me! I'm going to my brother's, and I'll get my shit tomorrow!"

She winced as he slammed the door hard on his way out of her life.

Carol sank to the couch, stunned and feeling guilty. Daryl might not even be free anymore, but she was going to try.

She called him, and the phone rang and rang and rang.

She thought of trying his cell, but if he was on a date again, she didn't want to ruin it.

Carol knew the one place she needed to be, so she grabbed her keys and headed for her car.

###################################################

I'm posting the rest of this story tonight for all the wonderful people who have enjoyed it:) Thanks so much for all the kind reviews. XOXO


	10. Chapter 10

" _ **I think you should get some help, Daryl. Both Lori and I do. We're worried about you."**_

" _ **Don't bother worrying about me; I'm OK."**_

" _ **No, you're not. You haven't left the house all week, and you don't eat anything anymore. You drink too much and all of a sudden you're bringing up the past again. Maybe you just need some help."**_

" _ **What? You think I'm crazy or something?"**_

" _ **Daryl, There's no shame in needing a hand sometimes."**_

" _ **I'm trying to deal with my dad dying. Why can't anyone just let me be sad? Aren't you supposed to be sad when someone dies?"**_

" _ **Yes, but it was a while ago now, and you still need to take care of yourself. What really worries me is you bringing her up again."**_

" _ **Leave it alone, Rick."**_

" _ **No! I'm not going to sit back and watch you fall apart over her again."**_

" _ **I'm fine."**_

" _ **Hey! Sit back down and listen to me! You are not OK. You got shit faced the other night, going on about Carol and then you were rambling about killing yourself. Do I have to get you committed to the hospital or are you going to get help?"**_

" _ **Everything fucking hurts, Rick."**_

" _ **Then let us help you. It doesn't have to keep hurting."**_

_**^Chapter Ten** _

Daryl stood on the sidewalk outside his apartment waiting for Dale, listening to music. It was a cloudy evening; the air smelled of impending rain.

An old van pulled up, and he instantly recognized the big friendly smile of Carol's dad.

"Hop in stranger!" he shouted.

Daryl smiled and shook his head; it was like stepping through a time warp.

"So, how's it been going, Son?"

"Been a long couple of years since my dad passed away but it's getting better now."

"Sorry to hear that. God, it feels like forever since I saw you last."

"I know what you mean, seeing Michonne and Carol again was pretty wild."

"I bet. You know Carol still has all those letters you gave her at our place?"

Daryl would have bet money that she's gotten rid of them, especially now that she was engaged.

"Really?"

"Yep! She dragged 'em up out of the basement as soon as she heard Michonne spoke to you. That's saying something too cause she hates the basement."

"The spiders, right?" Daryl grinned. He remembered her complaining about the basement and the spiders. He remembered almost everything, that was the problem.

"Yeah, she doesn't like spiders one bit. I tell ya what though she sure did look sad reading them. Was such a shame about you two."

"I know. I wish it had turned out differently, but she's got someone new now, what can you do?"

Dale shrugged and drove on to down the highway to the farmhouse.

When they pulled up, Clair came running out to meet them.

"Lemme get a look at you!"

She held Daryl by the shoulders and grinned.

"You went and got even better looking, didn't you?"

"Pfft!" he answered.

"Come on, now, Clair. He's too young for you."

She rolled her eyes and nodded to the house.

"Come inside; everything's done."

He sat down at their table, the same table from when he was with Carol. Everything was the same, including the shag carpet he remembered from that one Christmas. Her parents had gone to midnight mass on Christmas Eve and left them alone in the house. After one too rum and cokes he lay her down on that ugly shag carpet and made love to her right under the Christmas tree. There was almost nowhere in the world he could go escape memories of her.

Clair poured him a glass of wine and served him roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, potatoes, roasted carrots, gravy and he could smell apple pie baking in the kitchen. He groaned, looking at the mountain of food on his plate.

"You didn't have to do all this," he said, looking up at her.

"I'm happy to," she smiled. "We always really liked you, Daryl."

It felt good to be with them, they almost felt like his own parents. Not that he really knew what that was supposed to feel like. It had been a long time since he's known these people, but it didn't seem to matter to Clair, Dale, and Michonne. He wished he'd still been close to them when he lost his other friends; he could have used it.

He ate and talked and laughed with them for over an hour. Clair forced him to eat pie when he was already stuffed.

She collected all the dishes and refused to let Daryl help her wash up.

"No, go sit with Dale and digest. I got this."

Dale led him into the jungle of a living room and lit a smoke.

"Sure is nice to see you."

"You too. So...do you think Carol would mind if I looked at those letters, just for a laugh?"

"Don't know about laughing, they made her tear up pretty good. They're just in my office on the shelf. She made me promise not to put them in the basement again."

Daryl got up and walked to Dale's office and found the legal box over his computer on a shelf. He took it down, and there was every letter he'd ever sent her, tied up with a red ribbon. There were also cards from flowers he'd bought her, ticket stubs to the same movies he'd kept.

Just looking at it made him choked up. He looked around and decided to sit on the floor to read them, he knew it would hurt, but he had to.

"Do you mind if I look at these for a bit?" he hollered to Dale.

"Take your time; I'm too stuffed to drive you home yet."

He untied the ribbon and shuffled through them trying to remember what any of them said and right in the middle was the first one, the post-it note that started it all.

_**Carol, did you wanna go for coffee or something? Daryl. (I'm in your English lit. class)** _

He had waited from two rows over in class till she went to the bathroom and stuck it inside her textbook. This was painful, and that was the shortest one. He picked out another and unfolded it. He read it and rolled his eyes, some of them were pretty goofy, but he was young and in love. It was all just unfiltered honesty, he could tell her anything, and she always took it in the spirit it was intended.

_**You make everything better. The sky is bluer, and the grass is greener. I'm happier just to get out of bed cause I know I'll get to see you. I love you, and I'll never stop. Daryl xoxo** _

He put that at the bottom of almost every letter, 'I love you, and I'll never stop.' He thought it would show how much he loved her but it felt like a curse now. He couldn't stop loving her, no matter how he tried.

Just then he heard someone coming in the back door, and her mom was speaking them.

They probably didn't get too much company living out of the city like this, so he wondered who it was. He kept on reading and then he found the one he dreaded.

_**Carol, thanks for not laughing at me last night. I never did that before and I know it was awful, I was just really nervous. I'll get better, I promise. I gotta go to work, and I don't wanna wake you cause you look so pretty right now. See you tonight. I love you, and I'll never stop.** _

He had written this the morning after the first time they made love. He sat staring at the words. The kid who wrote this had no idea what he was in for a little over a year later when it all ended. They had taken their time, getting to know each other first and did all kinds of other things first. When this night came he was so nervous he could hardly keep it together, but she told him it was perfect just the way it was. This was the dream that haunted him.

He couldn't help falling apart a little knowing it was done and a box of sad letters was all he had left.

He wiped his face, and when he looked up again, Carol was standing in the doorway.

"Hey."

"Carol?"

She walked in and shut the door behind her. He didn't know what to say, so he muttered something about her mom asking him over to explain his presence.

She came and sat next to him, and she could see the tears in his eyes.

"They're hard to read, aren't they?"

"Yeah, really hard."

Carol pulled some out of the box and leaned her head on his shoulder as she read one. He didn't know why she was here or why she was leaning her head on him, but he decided not to question it.

"I love these," she said, softly.

"I thought you would have thrown them away."

"I thought about it but I never could. Nobody else ever wrote me a love letter."

"Some of them are pretty stupid," he half grinned.

"Not one of them is stupid. I'll keep them forever. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Are you with that woman from the other night?"

"No. Rick made me go to try and forget about you. I know I have to, but it's hard for me. When I saw you from the bus that day I thought maybe I could try and get you back, I didn't know you were engaged."

"What are you talking about?"

"It'll make me sound nuts but I was on the bus, and I saw you buying a paper on the street. I just got so excited to see you that I got off the bus and watched you walk to the library. I found Michonne online and then the rest is history."

Carol smiled and lay her head in her hand. She had to tell him; she couldn't wait anymore.

"Daryl, I need to tell you something, and it's pretty big."

"So do I." he countered.

"Go ahead," she offered, letting him have the floor first.

She was going to marry someone else, and he'd have to find a way to be OK but he was alone with her, and while he had the chance he wanted to speak his mind. None of it made a difference anymore, but he could say he did it and it may bring some peace to his mind when things got dark again. He knew when he walked out that a dark cloud was on its way, but he was already preparing for it. He'd see the therapist and take his meds and ask for help but either way, it was going to hurt like hell.

"I know I won't get another chance to say this so I'm saying it even though I shouldn't. You're just as sweet and smart and beautiful as the last day you were mine, and I love you the same as I ever did. You were the first, and I still want you to be the last. I know you found someone new, but I still had to tell you that. You're the only one for me; you always will be."

"Daryl-"

"I'm not even sorry I'm telling you this, I'd regret not telling you, and I'm so tired of regretting things..."

"Daryl, just be quiet for a minute."

He paused in mid-sentence, and she touched his face. Everything stopped.

"I'm not engaged anymore. It's over."

"What?"

"I still love you too."

She moved in and pressed her lips to his, and he closed his eyes. He reached up and held her face to be sure she was real and to keep her there. He couldn't help crying as he kissed her, he never thought it would happen again.

The kiss became insistent, and they both began breathing heavier. All the fire was still right there just as it had been years before. He turned his head and opened his mouth to taste her kiss and then felt her tongue move against his. When she opened her eyes to looked at him, she could see the tears on his face, and she knew this was it. She continued kissing him and wouldn't stop until he did, she wasn't breaking up this kiss for anything.

He did pull back first, but only to speak.

"I want you so bad," he panted.

"Me too, let's go."


	11. Chapter 11

" _ **You're doing a lot better then, by the looks of things"**_

" _ **I think so. I'm feeling better than I was."**_

" _ **It takes time, you won't be happy overnight. Are you taking the medicine I prescribed for you?"**_

" _ **Yeah, just like you said. Will I have to take it forever?"**_

" _ **Does it bother you to take it? Any negative side effects?"**_

" _ **I just wish I didn't need it."**_

" _ **You have an illness, just like a diabetic or a person with asthma. There's no harm in treating an illness, in fact it's very smart and the best thing is you can have your life back."**_

" _ **You think?"**_

" _ **Of course. I'll be seeing you every six weeks but if anything comes up in the meantime you have my number. Just reach out when you need help, there's no need to suffer alone. People do care, Daryl."**_

" _ **Thank you, Dr. Spencer."**_

" _ **You're very welcome, Daryl. Now get out there and live, OK?"**_

" _ **I'll try."**_

_**^Chapter Eleven** _

It was all too much and so fast. It was physically painful to break it up long enough to get out of the house.

Carol found her mother painting in the study.

"I don't know how to tell you this but me and Daryl-"

"Let me guess. You and Daryl have finally realized that life is short and that you love each other and you're gonna make a go of it. In fact, you're heading to one of your places right now to seal the deal?"

"Yeah, all of that."

"It's about time. Go on then, my girl."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Were you kind about letting Shane go?"

"As kind as I could be."

"That's all you can do. Karma, you know?"

"I know, Mom."

Soon they had made their way out of the house with quick hugs and goodbyes and he took her in his arms again, kissing her all the way to her car.

"I fucking missed you, Carol," he panted, pressing her against the door of her car. He heard a soft moan escape her lips and it's like he came alive for the first time since he last touched her. The old familiar burn crept into his heart.

His tongue moved against hers so fast and he held her so tight in his arms, rolling his hips into her body. He needed her so badly. A flash of lightening and then a crash of thunder was soon followed heavy drops of rain and she told him to get in the car.

Carol started down the highway, not sure where they were going but when she thought of it she didn't want to be in the bed she had shared with Shane.

"Can we go to your place?" she asked.

"Yeah, anywhere you want."

The drive back was painfully long and she could feel his eyes on her.

"I missed you so much," he said, reaching his hand out to touch her leg.

Even something as small as his fingertips resting on her knee had her anxious to get him alone.

"I missed you too...for so long. I'm so sorry, Daryl. I made so many mistakes."

"We can't think of that, Carol. I don't wanna lose another minute to what happened. Let's just let it go, completely. Deal?"

"Deal. God, I can't wait to get you home," she grinned.

They pulled up outside his building and she was already draping her arms around his waist as he fumbled with his keys at the door. She kissed the back of his neck and trailed her hands down his ass making him shiver. His heart pounded in his ears and he felt adrenaline run up and down his arms, it was almost too much to feel at once.

It was raining hard now and her hair was getting drenched as she held him tight at the door. They were both laughing and it could have easily been 10 years ago.

Finally he got the door open and held it for her. He walked seven flights up behind her wanting to take her right on the stairs all the way. He reached for her the moment they got to his floor and he kissed her, pressing her to his door while simultaneously trying to get his key to let him through the door.

She whimpered against his lips and he knew she still liked being pressed to the wall, she wondered what else she still liked. He couldn't wait to learn her all over again.

When the last obstacle was passed he locked the door and took off his jacket, eyeing her with equal parts love and lust.

"I never wanted anyone but you."

"Tell me you forgive me, Daryl."

"Just forget it, I was never mad at you. I love you, Carol."

Daryl reached for her and it was like coming home. He felt years of pain dissolve as she smiled at him. He took her hand and she followed him to his room where he shut the door and watched her sit down on his bed.

"I can't believe you're here," he uttered.

"I'm here baby, it's just us now...always."

He walked to the bed and climbed over her, it felt as natural as breathing and yet so exciting he couldn't slow his heart.

He lay his knee between her thighs and bent down to kiss her. Her lips were still so soft and he slid his tongue into her mouth, closing his eyes and letting himself savor it.

She was his again, it was unbelievable.

Carol wanted more and she wanted it faster. She hadn't felt anywhere near this aroused with anyone since him. She reached down and pulled her top over her head and yanked his off as well.

"Sorry, I just need you so bad," she pleaded.

"You got me," he insisted.

Finally his hands got to her bra and he moaned at the feel of her breasts in his hands. He kissed her chest and moved his other thigh between hers, making her moan.

Soon her bra was on the floor and she was going for his belt.

"Take me, Daryl. I want to be yours again...make me yours."

Carol felt almost choked up and needed him inside her. She couldn't even explain what came over her but she wouldn't feel right until they made love, she needed to make it right again.

He undid his belt and started on her pants as well, sensing her desperation to get moving suddenly.

She pushed her pants and underwear down her legs and kissed him hard, pulling him down to her as he continued to squirm out of his pants.

"Please, I know it's fast but...I need you now."

"It's OK. I got you," he said, kissing her forehead and looking into her eyes just like that first night.

She nodded and waited, touching his face.

He slid into her and she hissed, pulling him down to kiss her lips.

She didn't say a word, she just whined and ran her hands up and down his back.

"Forgive me, baby..." she said.

She was tearing up and he hated it, he had to make her happy again.

"Shhhhh...don't cry. We got it back now, OK? Nothing else matters."

"I'll never let you go again, Daryl...never."

He thrust into her and she melted into his arms. After a moment she seemed better and she rolled him onto his back.

She rode him slow and smooth as he felt it coming on like a storm, building in tension and power. Lightning flash through the curtains of his bedroom and a clap of thunder followed. Rain continued to beat against the window and it mixed with the sound of their moaning.

"I love you, Daryl. Cum for me..."

He looked up and she was still the same beautiful girl he'd loved, she always would be. Her body came undone with him. They were as compatible as ever and he clung to her, letting the sadness drain away.

#########################

He had her in his arms again and she still ran her fingers through his hair the way she used to in the morning, that was one thing he'd forgotten until now.

The sun was only just up and he was already getting texts from Rick about going to the gym.

_**~ Taking the day off, buddy** _

_**~ why?** _

_**~ Carol's here. I'm staying in bed all day long.** _

_**~ you're kidding!** _

_**~ nope. We're back together.** _

_**~ I'm happy for you, Daryl. Call me later. Enjoy.** _

"Daryl, do you remember how we were going to get married and have babies together?"

"Of course. We had it all planned out, didn't we?" he laughed, pulling her closer to kiss her forehead.

"Will you still marry me?"

"In a heartbeat."

"I don't want to wait, Daryl. We lost so much time already but is that rushing it for you?"

"No. You're all I wanted all this time. I'd marry you right now if I could."

"How about as soon as we can get a marriage license?"

"You mean it?" he asked, afraid of how excited he felt.

"Yes. I'm positive. I'm going to be so good to you, Daryl. I'm never letting anything come between us again."

That was all he needed to hear. He'd never know of there was a purpose in what had happened to them but it didn't matter anymore. Only the future was important from here on in.

Daryl couldn't wait to see Michonne and thank her for helping him and being such a good friend. Life would be better than ever with all these people back in his life, especially her. Nothing was complete without her.

#########################################

This was a low smut story, it just didn't fit:/

I hope you don't feel it cut off too early but the main point of the story was them getting back together and him dealing with everything.

I could write an epilogue for this, in fact I have one mostly written. I just didn't think it was really needed. If anyone really wants it I'll happily finish and post it tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and for all the kind reviews. I spend a lot of time doing this when I should probably be doing other things and positive, thoughtful, and supportive reviews really motivate me to try and give you more of what you like to read. I really don't take it for granted that so many of you take your own time to read the things I write, it means the world to me. I love you. Teagan. XOXO


	12. Chapter 12

^Epilogue\

Michonne stopped by to help Daryl get ready and drive him to city hall. It was a beautiful day, and he was so excited he couldn't sit still.

“This wouldn't have happened without you. I never would have spoken to her again or anything. Thanks so much.”

“It's nothing; we're friends. Right?”

“Right,” he smiled.

“So you really aren't wearing a suit to this or anything?”

“No, it's just city hall. Carol just wants to get married, and so do I. I don't even care what we wear.”

“I'm so excited for you two, come here.”

Michonne leaned in and gave him a bear hug. He could get used to all the affection; his world had opened up to include things like hugs, concern, and people willing to stick their neck out for him. Real friends.

“So your vows are done?” Michonne checked.

“I just kinda wrote her a letter,” he nodded.

“Of course you did. I remember back in the day finding those letters all over our dorm.”

“She said she liked it so...”

“She loves those letters. You're quite the romantic. Let's get going.”

City Hall was a beautiful older building, and he arrived with Michonne, excited to get it going. He was 10 years behind starting his life with her, and he couldn't wait another minute.

Carol wore a simple sundress and sandals, nothing fancy just him and her.

They stood before the JP and recited all the things they were supposed to and then read the vows they'd written themselves. Carol's stomach was full of butterflies, but she was sure about him and their future together.

“I could spend a lot of time regretting the past, and I'll always wish it had turned out differently, but we have each other now, and I'm not letting go. I promise always to hear you out and be with you until I die no matter what. I love you, Daryl, always.”

The JP smiled and nodded to Daryl, “Go ahead, Son.”

“Carol, I didn't think this would ever happen in a million years. I never thought I'd get you back, but here we are. Rick thought I was crazy to hang on to it, but nobody ever understood me like you. When I met you, I just knew you were the one for me, and I couldn't stop believing that even when I tried. Being with you is all I ever wanted. I love you, and I'll never stop.”

##########################

Daryl had all he wanted but he still stuck to his therapy and medication, he didn't want to risk falling down the dark hole again.

Within a year Carol was expecting their first child, and Daryl was going to get his wish for a daughter named Chloe. Soon the past was right where it should be, and the future was where they focused their attention. Michonne, Rick, and Lori were a circle of friends he could depend on and with Clair and Dale he had parents as well. He kept writing her letters and making love to her every chance he got, and life was sweet. After years of struggle, all the pieces fit back into place, and the wrong had been righted, she was his again.

 


End file.
